Imagine this: You’re walking through a dense forest, the sun begins to set, and shadows grow longer and more sinister. Suddenly, you hear a rustle in the bushes. Is it just the wind, or is there a predator lurking? Our ancestors faced such uncertainties daily, and their survival depended on erring on the side of caution. This legacy lives on in us through a mind that defaults to negativity—a protective mechanism that helped our forebears survive.
Negativity, in essence, is our brain's way of keeping us safe. By anticipating the worst, we stay vigilant and ready to respond to potential threats. While this was crucial for avoiding predators or other dangers in the wild, in our modern world, this same mechanism can lead to an incessant barrage of negative thoughts. These thoughts can be about anything—from our capabilities to our worth as individuals. Unfortunately, this often translates into a pervasive feeling that "I'm not good enough."
The Vicious Cycle of Negative Self-Talk
Negative thoughts like "I'm not good enough" or "I'm a bad person" can be particularly insidious. They have a way of embedding themselves deep within our psyche, making us question our every action and decision. When these thoughts take hold, they drag us down into a spiral of rumination—endlessly replaying past mistakes or imagined failures. This rumination not only affects our mood but also our ability to function effectively in daily life.
As we become more consumed by these thoughts, we often turn to avoidance behaviors to escape the discomfort they bring. We might binge-watch TV shows, endlessly scroll through social media, or engage in other forms of escapism. While these activities provide temporary relief, they don't address the root of the problem. Instead, they can reinforce the negative self-talk, creating a vicious cycle that becomes increasingly difficult to break.
Unhooking from Negative Thoughts: ACT Therapy
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a way out of this cycle. Rather than trying to eliminate negative thoughts—which can often feel like an impossible task—ACT teaches us to "unhook" from them. This means creating a psychological distance between ourselves and our thoughts, allowing us to see them for what they are: just thoughts, not truths.
Noticing and Naming the Thought
One of the key techniques in ACT is noticing and naming the thought. When you have a thought like "I'm not good enough," take a moment to say to yourself, "I am having the thought that I am not good enough." Then, follow it immediately with, "I am noticing I am having the thought that I am not good enough." This simple practice creates cognitive distance, helping you to see the thought as a separate entity rather than an integral part of your identity.
Assessing the Workability of the Thought
Another powerful technique involves assessing the workability of the thought. Ask yourself: Does this thought lead me towards a meaningful life, or does it take me away from it? What behavior does this thought initiate? For instance, if the thought "I'm not good enough" leads you to avoid opportunities or disconnect from loved ones, it's clearly not serving you well. Recognizing this can help you choose actions that align with your values and goals, rather than being driven by negative self-talk.
Visualization and Mocking the Thought
Visualization techniques can also be highly effective in unhooking from negative thoughts. Imagine the thought "I'm not good enough" as black type on a computer screen. Then, start playing with the fonts—make the text bold, italic, change the color, or even make it flash in neon lights. By visualizing the thought in this way, you create a sense of distance and realize that the thought itself has no inherent power. It's just a collection of words and images that your mind has generated.
Living a Meaningful Life Beyond Negative Self-Talk
By using these ACT techniques, you can start to unhook from negative self-talk and move towards a more meaningful life. It's important to remember that the goal isn't to eliminate negative thoughts entirely—that's a nearly impossible task. Instead, the aim is to change your relationship with these thoughts, so they no longer control your actions or define your self-worth.
Living a meaningful life involves embracing all of your experiences—the good, the bad, and the ugly. It means accepting that negative thoughts will arise from time to time, but they don't have to dictate your behavior or your sense of self. By practicing ACT techniques, you can learn to let these thoughts come and go, without letting them derail your pursuit of what truly matters to you.
Practical Steps to Start Today
Practice Unhooking: Spend a few minutes each day practicing the techniques listed above. This helps you become more aware of your thought patterns and strengthens your ability to notice and name thoughts.
Journal Your Thoughts: Write down your negative thoughts and practice the technique of noticing and naming. This can help you see patterns in your thinking and create cognitive distance.
Engage in Values-Based Actions: Identify your core values and take small steps each day towards actions that align with them. This can help you stay focused on what truly matters, rather than getting bogged down by negative self-talk.
Seek Support: Consider working with a therapist at Sadler-Bridges Wellness group. They can provide personalized guidance and support as you learn to unhook from negative thoughts and live a more meaningful life.
By incorporating these practices into your daily routine, you can begin to shift your relationship with negative self-talk and move towards a life that is rich, fulfilling, and true to your values. Remember, you are not your thoughts—you are the awareness behind them. And in that awareness lies the power to create a life worth living.
Thomas Boulding
Physician assistant
Sadler-Bridges Wellness Group
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